例3.
At 9:00am October 25st 2003, I saw a traffic accident on Daxue Road. At that time, I was on my way to school.
When I turned right on the corner, a motorbike knocked into a small car. The motorbike was red, and there are two persons on the motorbike. The car was yellow. The motorbike fell down, and the two persons on the motorbike were slight injured. The driver came out of the car at once, and asked about the two persons. As soon as I saw that, I made a telephone call to traffic police arrived in a short time.
According to what I saw, I thought there may be one reason leading to the accident. That was the motorbike kept too short distant from the car. When the car slowed down, the motorbike couldnt slow down in time. So the accident took place.
点评：基本切题。
文字连贯性不强，尤其是第二段，缺少一些必要的衔接词。
简单句太多，可以考虑把一些合并成复合句。
有些地方人称指代不明，容易引起误解
有一些基本的时态、语法错误。
例4.
Last Friday afternoon, when I was on my way home, a traffic accident took place at the crossing of Shanghai Road.
A pupil was knocked down by a black car when he was walking across the street. His legs were badly hurt. Sever minutes later an ambulance came, and the driver of the black car sent the pupil to the hospital immediately.
